Words cannot stress how stretched I am this week. This week has been tired, bombarded, sucked, stressed, and to add insult to injury, broken.
As I started this blog week, I had enthusiasm, passion, and was ready to take on the world, but then something switched, like a light bulb, my mind shut off. I was drained, exhausted, and then crushed. My work became stress, the stress became a rage, and that rage turned into regret. My regret did not come from work, but it came from not being available. I was no longer available, for myself, others, or God.
You see, I’ve always held a place in my heart for others I loved and cared about, but as life happened, I stopped being available, and then, the unthinkable happened. Someone I cared about deeply, was gone in an instant, and at that moment, I felt regret, remorse, anger, and fear. I wondered if they knew I loved them, did they know I thought about them, did they know I regretted not visiting them?
When unexpected things happen, you start to have doubt, a sense of isolation, and never want to forgive yourself. You become a world of turbulence. You don’t know your ups from downs or your ins from your outs. I’m here to tell you it’s okay!
If you have to think about this so much, then that person knew how you felt. Love, can not drive away all the moments you lost, because it will bring you all the joys you had together. Let your mind no longer wonder, let it be free from the hurt, and pain, but make sure to forgive yourself.
This week I was stretched, stretched to the point of a breakdown. But losing someone special reminded me why I should fight harder and stop letting life occupy me.