During this pandemic, I have been in a quandary. Dealing with my own spiritual growth (or lack thereof), feeling undervalued as a wife, and really second guessing if I’m really a good mom. I constantly compare myself to my mom, my friends who are moms, and always feeling like I literally have to be the supermom of ALL supermoms.
Yeah, I know that was foolish.
To help you get a better understanding of the why? This year, I decided to focus on my mental health. While doing therapy, I’ve experienced self-rediscovery and realized I was putting myself on this imaginary high pedestal.
What exactly does this mean?
- Failing for me was not an option!
- If I’m not the smartest in the room, I shutdown!
- I have to be the best!
I was born with imperfection, so I must be perfect in EVERYTHING.
If I do not cook dinner because I’m tired, I feel like I’m not good enough. When I work all day and want to sleep instead of spending time with my kids, I feel like a deplorable person. If I want to just sleep all day and not clean my house, I think my family is judging me. My kids stay up all night and sleep all day while I work home, I feel like a terrible mom.
As a person, I weigh too heavily on what matters to others rather than what matters to me. I discredit myself before building ME up.
My therapist told me “stop worrying about how others see you. Besides, if we never failed, we would never have a reason to pray”
Writing this blog scares the absolute hell out of me! I’m used to always being an honest, open, and vulnerable person to an extent. But the thought of being critiqued as a writer/storyteller is extremely hard for me.
Because I have such a desire to win, my vision is so obscured to realizing that I could potentially fail but just like before, I can always pick myself back-up.
As I deal with my own pandemic debacles, I’ve discovered I’m not perfect. I’m not the smartest person in the room and hell, I might actually fail at this blog or something else in life. What I have learned is that, I’m also an amazing wife, a damn good mom, and I am the best version of me that God created.
Although failing is not ideal, failing IS an option! It is an option to help guide you to greatness!
when you let go of fear you realize the Journey is what you make it, and your soul heal’s when you embrace it. -B.