Life Without a Purpose

Finding my purpose has been something that has not been easy to do. I live my life serving others, never serving me. When I look out into the world, my mind has become clouded but fear, judgment, hurt, and embarrassment. Being able to embrace others’ success is easy, but it does not mean there is no jealousy and feeling of defeat.

When trying to find my purpose, I tried what I thought was everything. I tried everything from self-help books, motivational podcasts, yoga, and prayer. To no avail, I found nothing. I sit here focusing on what I’m great at, what brings me joy, and unfortunately, my brain feels empty. I thought about being a real estate agent, a nurse, an entrepreneur, even a sonographer. Although all of these careers sound amazing, I am afraid to get my feet wet and fear failing. I also fear staying in a secure job even if it causes migraines, anger, and daily disappointment.

My family and friends tell me how smart I am, how great I am. Unfortunately, I cannot feel it for myself. I took a mental break from blogging because the support was not there. I support so many, yet I felt no one would or wanted to cheer for me.

Why does this matter? Because I feed off other’s energy, I feed off love, support, compliments. I feed off people loving me. And when that seemed to fall apart, I clambered and gave up. At some point, I had to suck it up and give myself love and support. I had to be my cheerleader even when no one else would.

I wish I could be a purpose finder guru for me like I am for everyone else. I wish God would speak directly to me regarding my purpose. Today, I challenge you to look deep within and find what speaks to you. Find your purpose and allow it to lead you.

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