Postpartum Me…

Being a mom is the greatest joy that any woman can have. You have 9-months of being connected to a baby you will meet one day, and eventually have a lifetime of memories. With that being said, why doesn’t anyone talk about the one thing most, if not all moms have in common? Postpartum depression!

When you think of postpartum depression, you think of someone who snaps and wants to harm themselves or worse the baby. However, postpartum in my opinion also includes; uncontrollable crying, the feeling of loneliness, stress, and weakness. It’s the fear of feeling like you will fail at parenting, but not ever wanting to harm yourself or your baby.

After dealing with the many losses in my life, my eldest was born. I was thankful to have a husband, mom, and friends who were there for me. Once the help ended, (mom went back to Detroit, hubby, and friends back to work), I just knew I was going to fail. I cried because nursing wasn’t going the way I planned. I cursed out any and everyone due to exhaustion, and at one point I was ready to walk out on my family because I was having a mental breakdown.

With my eldest, I had all the help in the world, but when my youngest came, I did not have mom, my hubby had to return to work sooner and the friends at that time lived on the other side of time. I was truly alone, at least that’s how I felt.

During the first 1 1/2, my youngest kept me up all night with nursing. She wasn’t a fan of bottles and scream profusely when she couldn’t have my breast. I was mortified, beat down, and wanted to die because I would only sleep for 3hrs every day. I lost my ability to think, focus, or enjoy life, and was trying every sleep meds you could think of to help me fall and stay asleep. I had so much postpartum depression after she was born that it did not go away until she was about 3-years-old.

In America, the average woman must return to work within 6 weeks or 8 weeks after a c-section. Other countries will give parents 1-2years. I’m not going to get political with this post, but let’s be honest, there should be more wiggle room for moms after birth. Postpartum depression is a silent killer. Some women take longer to get over it.

If you feel you are exhibiting any of these systems and you are a new mom, find a friend or therapist to help you get through it.

As a new mother, it is okay to cry, it is okay to feel helpless, alone, and afraid. It is not okay to not ask for help. You are not alone.

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