Today, I want to discuss a topic that has been weighing heavily on my heart for a while. Recently, a friend of mines posted a meme that said, “Stop expecting YOU from people”. As I read this meme, I realized it was something I have been dealing with for a while. I expect people to be loving, caring, understanding, kind, and a friend when you are down on your luck. The reality, not everyone is cut from the same cloth.
I remember I had friends who I thought would be there for me through thick and thin. Friends who when they were working on marital issues, thoughts of suicide, and dealing with friends negative energy I was there. I was that available friend morning, noon, and night. The soundboard, the person to pray with them, the one to help them work on their friendships and, or marriages.
Don’t get me wrong, the relationships provided a glorious purpose in my life, for as long as God enabled them too. He allowed these friendships to bring some joy, some peace, and in some cases, some breath of life where I was lost. But, when their purpose was over, God allowed me to move on. Sometimes, misunderstandings can cause 10-year-old relationships to end in a matter of seconds.
A few years back, I had to make a tough decision on which friend to support. Two good friends of mines were both excelling in their careers, both had something special they were having and requested my attendance. For the first time, I had to make a tough decision, as both friends were creating a milestone within their life. When I made my decision, I knew I would hurt one friend, but not to a point our friendship would eventually become non-existent.
When I made this decision, it wasn’t for anyone else but me. The friend I chose was my daughter’s, God Mother. Why did I pick her? My friend, who I’ve mentored over the years, finished her Doctrine. Yes, my friend was headed off to her residency program. But that wasn’t the only reason I picked her. She and her husband were now pregnant with twins, and her graduation was Mother’s Day weekend. Now, for those of you who’ve been following my blog, you know I lost a set of twins, a boy, and girl on Mother’s Day Weekend 2007. My friend, who was pregnant, was expecting a boy and a girl.
I chose her because I needed to work through something within me. I needed to learn to coup with the hurt, the pain, the frustration. It was something I knew I had to deal with, even before starting therapy years later. In my mind, I made the right decision.
Unfortunately, the friends who I thought loved and knew my heart started making direct and indirect comments about how I was jealous of the friend who’s event I didn’t make, success, how I wasn’t a true friend, and how I was selfish all on social media. What is so ironic, they did not realize months prior they were on that same friend’s chopping block. Yeah, I saved your relationship, you’re welcome.
The feeling of being devastated, broken, and enraged played within me for months. I couldn’t understand how people you called sister could act this way. One day, God revealed to me this was his plan. He confirmed these friends weren’t bad people, they just no longer served a purpose in my life.
You see, I prayed months prior that God removed those around me who were not of him. I was shocked to see the people he removed, but when somebody considers you as dead weight, it’s time to move on. You can’t make everyone happy, but as long as you are, all will be well.
When God moved the negativity from my life, I realized my life was far better. My marriage was more powerful, our finances increased, and friends who I never thought would be for me, God brought these friends forth to help me serve the purpose he had for me. When I commented on my friend’s post, I was speaking life into her but to myself as well.
Today, I want to tell you the reader the same thing, if certain friendships no longer serve a purpose, remember God wants you to concentrate on him. The fewer friends you have, the more you can connect with God. God will surround you with those who serve his purpose and serves a true purpose for you.
Remember, God does things by design, so trust in God’s process.